The GPS Navigator Device
by MuggleBornWY
Summary: What happens when Tobi takes the Akatsuki out for a drive to test out his driving skills and the newly-bought GPS navigator? Chaos ensues. "Though I remember seeing you with a raging hard-on after I got out naked after my shower because I forgotten my towel and I heard you moaning and then - " Crack!Fic. Rated T for brief reference of sex and Hidan's mouth.


The GPS Navigation Device

**A/N: This is a Crack!Fic, un. I wrote this for my own amusement, and hopefully, for your amusement, too. Un. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**~Enjoy~**

**{{{+}}}**

"What the fuck is this?" Hidan asked, poking a rectangular, metal device curiously.

"It's a GPS Navigation device, moron," Kakuzu muttered to his partner as he eyed the device with a look of contempt and ignoring Hidan's bewildered look as the latter started shaking the metal device all around to see how it works. "How much did you exactly spend on this, Tobi?"

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi bought it_ just_ for this amount!" Tobi answered happily, bouncing over to Kakuzu to show him the receipt. Deidara snorted and tore the paper away from the frozen Kakuzu to see the price, "Now, what the heck is this to get our treasurer so riled up - "

"Oh my Jashin!" Hidan exclaimed after stealing a look at the receipt, too, "how many zeros are there? One, too, three - "

"There's eight there, you idiot," Kakuzu said in a deadly calm voice, eyeing Tobi. "May I ask what made you buy this you orange masked fool?"

"Tobi... Tobi just got a car! The shop owner said Tobi must have a navigation device!" His voice sounded tearful as he waved his flapping, long sleeves around, seeming to just realize Kakuzu's growing anger.

"I'm sure you will make a _good_ bounty, Tobi," Kakuzu commented, his green eyes darkening. Tobi cringed, ducking behind Deidara's back who rolled his eyes, "Stop being a baby, Tobi."

"Tobi loves Deidara-sempai! Tobi really does!"

"Hey, hey, look at this!" Hidan suddenly shouted, cutting in the middle of the conversation of Deidara and Tobi, waving the navigator about in the air - Kakuzu looked absolutely fearful, scared that he would drop it - but the rest of the members ignored their treasurer, "the screen lit up!"

Deidara ran over, and pulled the navigation device over for a better look, "But it didn't do anything. Should we bomb it?"

"Don't you dare bomb it, you idiot!" Kakuzu yelled, looking very much irate, "it had placed a huge drain on our budget and - "

"I doubt bombing it will help," Itachi finally spoke up, his face still stoic, however, his eyes betrayed his interest.

"Maybe we should just install it in Tobi's car," Kisame muttered, swinging his huge weapon over his back.

"Oh yes! Finally, a good idea," Hidan said gleefully as he rubbed his hands together, secretly happy that everyone was ignoring his partner, "Now we will be off!"

As everyone tranced off happily towards the new BMW, piling into it, Kakuzu rubbed his face with his hands before dashing after them, unhappy that everyone was being oblivious to his opinions.

**{{{+}}}**

"Set a destination, first, huh?" Kisame pondered out loud, "but we've got no place to go!"

"Why don't we set off for Konoha?" Deidara said, looking excited as he started chewing on clay once more, "we can find those bunch of kids and kill them, un!"

"Well, that was surprisingly clever of you," Sasori said, his face emotionless.

"What? What do you mean by that, Sasori-danna?" Deidara asked, looking livid, "I am a very clever artist - who makes beautiful - "

"Oh shut the fuck up, you pussy!" Hidan growled, and Deidara looked ready to throw a bomb at him, but Itachi gripped his arm. Hidan tsked before he turned to watch Tobi start the engine, asking the question he had been wanting to ask for a long time, "are you sure you know how to drive this?"

"Yes, yes! Tobi failed the test forty-nine times! Then, the examiner decided to let Tobi pass because Tobi is a good boy!" The orange-masked male answered confidently.

Everyone in the car paled, and a pregnant silence hung in the air before the Akatsuki members all yelled,

"_Forty-nine_ times?"

"Oh my Jashin, I'm getting out now!" The religious male yelled, standing up suddenly and hitting his head against the top of the car, "Ow! Fuck!"

"No, _no_!" Tobi shouted, quickly pressing on the pedal, revving the engine, making everyone hit against the seat in front of them. He started chuckling maniacally as he swerved about.

"_Tobi_!" Everyone shouted, looking frightened as they clung onto the car seat.

"It has finally happened, un," Deidara stated, and everyone looked at him for further explanation, "Tobi has finally gone mad."

"Conversus reliquit in 500m et custodiam reliquit*," A female voice suddenly said, making everyone jump in their seats.

And everyone started shouting and talking at once.

"Oh. It talks," Sasori murmured to himself as he tilted his head to the side to contemplate the device, "perhaps I can make it into one of my puppets..."

"That thing speaks!" Tobi exclaimed, looking surprised as he continued speeding ahead, "the owner didn't tell Tobi!"

"Oh, I am so going to kill Tobi after this," Kakuzu said angrily.

"Holy _cow_! Oh for the love of Kami - holy cow!" Kisame said, gripping tighter on the handle beside him.

"What cow?" Tobi questioned, bewildered, craning his neck to find the said animal, "Tobi doesn't see any!"

"Tobi, look ahead!" Everyone shouted, making him turn back to see the road.

"Oh for the love of Jashin! This is fucking insane! That fucking thing talks!" Hidan moaned, burying his face in his hands, "Jashin-sama, I am so sorry to bring you into this... Oh, I am so sorry... I should've made everyone converted to Jashinism earlier..."

"More importantly, what was it saying?" Itachi asked, looking at the strange device, utterly intrigued.

"Hm, it wants food?" Kisame asked, putting a finger up to show his suggestion.

"No, definitely not, you idiot," Kakuzu muttered, looking displeased at everyone's idiocy, "I think we need to switch the language format."

"Language format?" Everyone directed the tired treasurer a blank look, who sighed, "Never mind, pass that thing over."

"No! No!" Tobi yelled as he grabbed the device with one hand and turning the wheel with another.

"Tobi, you moron!" Deidara shouted, grabbing the sides of the orange mask before pushing it back to face the front, "don't you dare kill all of us with your pathetic driving skills!"

"You jump, I jump," Tobi said, smiling a goofy smile as he gripped his sempai's hand, who's face was quickly turning green.

"Huh?" Kisame said, confused, "what has jumping got to do with this?"

"It's from some famous movie called... called Tiara?" Deidara answered, his face turning greener with every passing second.

"Not tiara, it's Titantic," Kakuzu corrected.

"Are you sure? It doesn't sound quite right..." Sasori muttered, cocking a brow at him.

"Why don't we all just agree it's called Tobi?" Tobi suggested brightly.

"Whatever, now let go of my hand, you moron! Before I bomb you into pieces!" Deidara growled menancingly.

"I always knew you loved me, Deidara-sempai," Tobi said, sighing dreamily as he faced the gagging Deidara who snatched his hand out of his grasp and unrolled the windows to puke his guts out - his other two mouths on his hand puking with him. "Tobi loves you too!"

"And now, we've a gayism happening here. Fucking gayism!" Hidan moaned, pulling his grey hair as he attempted to keep cool, "this is getting more and more fucking out of hand!"

"There aren't any fucking going on here, Hidan," Kisame stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "I didn't know Jashinism involves sex."

"I always knew there was something between you two," Sasori commented, eyeing both of them, "I heard from Tobi that he was playing a role of some high school girl secretly liking her senior when Deidara was angry at him."

"Deidara, you are into... role-playing?" Kisame asked blankly, blinking twice. Itachi looked away from the window, his gaze burning through Deidara, making him shift uncomfortably, before shaking his head profusely.

"That's kinky," Itachi said, snorting, looking ahead as he watched the arrow on the screen of the navigator move about in Kakuzu's hands, who had snatched it over amidst the chaos.

"Ha! Now, there you have it!" Kakuzu said, looking very much satisifed after doing some settings as he slotted the Navigator into its place again.

"Turn left and keep left," the female voice sounded again. Everyone flinched - well, except for Tobi, who followed her instructions - still looking wary of the talking instrument.

"It's talking. I mean, I understand, but..." Sasori mumbled.

"Now, keep straight," the voice seemed to sound approving.

"What the fuck! Did the thing just ask Tobi to keep straight? But he isn't! He is lusting after Deidara, no?" Hidan queried, looking confused.

"I don't know about Tobi, you crazy bastard, but I _am_ straight!" Deidara said, rolling up the windows again as he wiped his mouth, still looking rather pale, "I'm still feeling sick."

"Denial is always the first step in gayism, Deidara," Kakuzu said, peering at the said male, "you've many mouths, too. I bet your partner would be very... _satisfied_."

Deidara turned green again, and he unrolled the window at amazing speed before puking once more, yelling, "Shut up, Kakuzu!" before another bout of vomit assaulted him.

"I bet you and Hidan have a very sexual relationship!" He retaliated upon recovering from his vomiting attacks.

"We do _not_ fuck!" Hidan yelled, looking very perturbed at that thought, "I fuck girls, not guys! I worship Jashin! I won't do anything to smear the name of Jashinism!"

"Though I remember seeing you with a raging hard-on after I got out naked after my shower because I forgotten my towel and I heard you moaning and then - " Kakuzu started to say but Hidan cut in, seeming very much agitated.

"You egostical fucker! I was watching porn and you just had to disturb me!" The Jashinist yelled, standing up again to show his anger before noticing that the height of the car was very much constricted a moment too late as he hit his head for the second time. "Ow fuck! I swear this car fucking hates me!"

Itachi rolled his eyes at his comment, "Just go entertain yourself with porn again, you oaf."

"Hidan watches porn?" Sasori repeated, his eyes widening as emotions finally leaked into his face. "What series?"

There was a heavy silence as the car screeched to the stop and everyone turned to stare at Sasori, who shrugged.

"I... I didn't know you had that thing to..." Kisame said, trailing off as he continued gaping.

"I always knew Sasori-danna is a horny bastard," Deidara said loudly, snickering crazily, before pointing a finger at Hidan who was fuming mad, "I always knew you are horny, too! Do you put some blood to play too? With Kakuzu and you being almost un-dieable, I bet you have some very interesting sex lives!"

"No, we don't!" Hidan shouted, before shaking Kakuzu's shoulders roughly, making his partner's head move forward and backward, "deny it, damn it! _Deny_ it!"

Kakuzu shrugged, looking unfazed, "I always thought you loved the smell of blood during sex."

"I don't! Oh, Jashin-sama!" Hidan moaned, tugging on his hair again, "I'm going insane!"

"That sounds too kinky for Tobi," Tobi said, shuddering as he attempted to concentrate, turning the engine on once more.

"This is too chaotic..." Itachi mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose before turning to Kisame, "I'm getting out."

His partner nodded eagerly and both of them disappeared in a puff of smoke. Everyone stared at the empty seats before the brilliant idea hit them and everyone disappeared too. Tobi suddenly realized the car was much too quiet and turned, realizing that everyone was gone.

The car screeched to a stop and Tobi sobbed into the steering wheel, feeling pathetic and very sorry for himself.

"In 500 m, turn right and keep right."

Tobi looked up from his steering wheel and finally noticed that there was no buildings around and no signs of life, and he sagged in defeat, pulling the navigator out of its place before throwing it roughly onto the floor.

"Now, go straight ..."

"I said Konoha, you fucking retard!" He shouted at the machine, looking angry.

Tobi pulled off his mask as he took in a deep breath, before muttering in a deeper voice, "Aw, fuck this. Let's get the fuck out of here." And he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Drop me a review to tell me your thoughts!**

***turn left in 500m and keep left**

**P.S. I do not learn Latin, so forgive me for any mistakes. Hehe.**


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